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| Greetings, gentler readers. Professor Saltine's Astrodynamic Dirigible is a illustrated serialized piece of humorous science-inspired fiction adapted for newsprint. It chronicles the journeys of the worlds first vessel capable of navigating the ether of space, launched in 1890. |
| New readers might find the best places to start reading include the very beginning, when the plot finally kicks off, and the start of the most recent saga. Currently, the story is alternating between the events of the 1890 adventures and a narrative which takes place in 1905. |
| For those curious about some of the more technical aspects of the story, you might be interested to learn about how a dirigible can fly in space, how we deal with time dilation, why we can understand alien languages, and how money works in space. |
| Here follows the intrepid crew of HMS Stalwart, the primary Astrodynamic Dirigible of the British Empire. Each man is a testamant to Imperial courage and fortitude! |
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Professor Horatio Q. Saltine The eccentric - but brilliant - inventor of the Astrodynamic Dirigible, among countless other amazing contraptions. Saltine is a genius but the inventions he's most proud of are incredibly ill-conceived. While he concentrates on little besides ideas for inventions and how to turn them into profitable enterprises, he has yet to attain any measure of financial success, or respect from his peers. He left behind his wife, Martha, and his young daughter, Penelope, to travel to the stars in hopes of proving himself to his fellow scientists. First Appearance |
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Angus MacDuff Professor Saltine's chief mechanic/coal shoveler. We're not really sure why Angus is as loyal to Saltine as he is, given that Saltine nearly killed him the first time they met. However, he is dependable to the last, although he does have an unexplained fear of hedgehogs. Angus is very proud of his Scot heritage and can drink almost anyone under the table. He has taken young Alexander Thornsbury under his wing as a confidant and drinking buddy. He can usually be found in the Boiler Room, powering the ship's Heat Propellors. First Appearance |
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Alexander Thornsbury General assistant to the Professor. Alexander is responsible for any number of things, usually dependant on Saltine's current whims. A streetwise, Cockney-spouting orphan, Alexander is smarter than most people give him credit for. He can usually use this to his advantage, and will usually take whatever opportunity he can to get ahead. First Appearance |
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Otto Scratsburg The marginally competent pilot of HMS Stalwart. A German national, Otto piloted scout dirigibles in the Franco-Prussian War. A drunken lout, after the War he left his family and made his way to London, where he became the bane of barkeeps throughout the city. By chance he met Professor Saltine, and being the only person around with any actual piloting experience, got the job right away. Otto and Angus got off on the wrong foot and have a standing grudge against each other. First Appearance |
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The Countess Katherina Meyer Lady Meyer is an Austrian noblewoman with a somewhat unladylike sensibility. Her late husband, Count Meyer, was an avid enthusiast of new technologies and in his memory she contributed funds for the construction of the Stalwart. Although he was initially opposed to having a woman aboard for the voyage, Lady Meyer strong-armed the Professor into allowing her to join the crew. She hungers for adventure and usually finds unexpected ways to contribute to the crew. Despite their many differences regarding how the dirigible should be managed, Katharina has found that she and the Professor share a love of technology, a passion for the unknown and a thirst for profit. First Appearance |
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The Metallic Butler Thrown together one rainy Spring afternoon by Professor Saltine, the Metallic Butler is an amazing leap forward in the field of robotics (but don't let the Professor hear you say that). Driven by a backpack-sized, steam-powered Difference Engine, the Butler performs all manner of menial tasks and is even capable of carrying on a conversation. However, it is highly incompetent and generally makes a mess of things. First Appearance |
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Penelope Saltine Professor Saltine's teenage daughter. Since he left when she was very young, Penelope remembers little about her father or his amazing inventions. Penny is proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and is highly intelligent and has constructed a few inventions of her own. Her curious nature has led her to seek the truth about her father's mysterious disappearance. First Appearance |
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Sir Thomas Oxford Oxford was Professor Saltine's chief scientific rival back in the day. They had a highly antagonistic relationship, characterized by spying, theft, and constant verbal sparring. However, when Oxford saw the Stalwart coming together, he realized the depths of his foe's genius and gained a newfound respect for the man. For the past fifteen years he has taken the responsibility of keeping the Professor's secrets. First Appearance |
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Lorkym An member of an intelligent plant species called Trepodians, Lorkym is a life-long space traveler who recently joined the crew while they visited the backwater planet of Arpell. Both spiritual and roughish, he has a number of unusual hobbies, such as dust collecting and punchline dropping. First Appearance |
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Yorq Yorq claims to be a tourist from a region of space called the Reticulan Protectorate, but his healthy interest in the weaknesses of the human species raises suspicions about his motives in the minds of the more paranoid among us. First Appearance |
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Sally "Scoops" Henderson A driven American reporter, Sally Henderson believes that a story on the Astrodynamic Dirigible is just what she needs to launch her career. First Appearance |
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Dr. Cecil Pomeroy Dr. Pomeroy is obsessed with finding the secret of immortality. In searching for the legendary Fountain of Youth, he commissioned Professor Saltine and his crew to retrieve the Miracle Swamp Waters of Venus, said to have miraculous restorative properties. First Appearance |